Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
