what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
