I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need to stop coming to work sober
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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