hotel room ftw
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
