i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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