You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
