On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
