Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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