Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
