The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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