Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
