On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
