How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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