I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need a beard to bite.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
