you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize