wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
