not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize