Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
