Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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