is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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