is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
