This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
