Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How naked do you want me to be?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
