Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
