Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
