I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
