shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
