I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
