He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
