im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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