my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize