no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
