So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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