You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
