how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
