i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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