Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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