Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
