The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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