Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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