ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
