please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
