From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
