i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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