Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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