my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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