I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
