You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize