He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
