There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
