imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
