Ambien. No doubt about it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize