I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
