We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
