just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
