Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i used baking grease as lip gloss
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
