if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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