You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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