this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
