Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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