I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize