I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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