this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
