I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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