just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
