Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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