Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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