I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
