So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
