I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
