So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
