you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
