apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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